Future Problems

"Future Problems" is an episode.

Script
(Jesse, Lukas, and Steve are walking in the rain)

Steve: URGHH! This rain is so annoying!

Jesse: YOU'RE so annoying!

Steve: Yeah well, I hope it ends soon.

Jesse: I hope YOU end soon.

Steve: Urgh! I'm getting soaked!

Jesse: YOU'RE getting soaked... Err, and you're ugly as well!

Steve: As ever Jesse, your sense of humour never ceases to amaze me.

Jesse: Was that an insult?!

Steve: You figure it out.

(Suddenly, behind the trio, lightning strikes as a taller Jesse comes out of it)

Future Jesse: Finally, after many years I return. Now it's time to-

(Stops and finds out)

Future Jesse: WAIT! That was an insult!!

(The opening plays and then ends)

Steve: Well, when they found the skeleton in my kitchen, they assumed it was mine, so by the time I got home, the landlord had already rented the place out to someone else. So that's when I thought...

(Jesse looks at a dark alley where his future self hides in, this shocks him)

Jesse: Hey guys, do you see a sinister-looking guy down that alleyway?

Lukas: Whoa, yeah!

Steve: Whoa, that is sinister!

(Jesse looks at where he was pointing at, which is a Vindicator)

Jesse: Oh wait, I meant that alleyway. (Points at Future Jesse)

(A bus passes by and Future Jesse disappears)

Lukas: Kind of looked like Jesse with a beard.

Jesse: Don't be silly. Only Steve can grow a beard.

Steve: (Shown with beard) I have a disorder!

Jesse: There's no way it could be me!

Future Jesse: Or is it-?

(Future Jesse appears right behind Jesse)

Jesse: No! There isn't!

(Jesse looks at Lukas and Steve, both are shocked as Steve's beard falls off)

Jesse: (Looks back at Future Jesse who stares annoyed at him) Oh, wait. Maybe.

Future Jesse: I am YOU from the far off year of 2000- (Another bus passes by as he is talking) where Cola has been outlawed as a drug around the globe. After several years I realized there was only one choice, I must travel to the past to... (pulls out gun) kill my past self to spare me from such a grim future!

Jesse: But that doesn't look so very futuristic. (Turns into laser gun, which changes Jesse's expression)

(Jesse, Lukas, and Steve runs away from Future Jesse in the town who is shooting everywhere else like crazy, he attempts to shoot Jesse, but he dodges and the laser misses him)

Angry Customer: I wanted my chicken EXTRA CRISPY! (He is complaining to the guy who gave him the chicken, then the laser hits the chicken and his arm, it turns extra crispy as his arm is nothing but a skeleton left) THIS CHANGES NOTHING...

(Future Jesse is shooting again)

Fancy Man: (Pushes an old lady next to him in the street lights) Excuse me, but I have some very important business to attend to so I can't- (hit by laser) AAAAAHHHH!!! WHAT CRUEL IRONY!!!!

Old Lady: Such a nice young man.

(Future Jesse once again attempts to shoot the trio but misses them)

Schoolboy: Oh no, a giant laser! Help me, Gabriel the Warrior!

(Gabriel appears right in front of Schoolboy)

Gabriel: Never to fear! With my powers, I can stop anything in the world! Just as long as it isn't laser- (The laser hits both of them) AAAAHHHH!!!

(Our heroes runs inside their own house and closes the door, causing Future Jesse to get slammed by the door and fells on the ground)

Lukas: Grab what you need and let's get out of here.

(Steve checks his eye scan which says "RETINA SCAN REQUIRED FOR ACCESS" and it scans his eyes as it process and grants the access, his guitar is shown when the wall opens and hugs it)

Steve: Oh baby, I missed you.

(Jesse looks through his drawers)

Jesse: Passport, nope. Medicine, nope. Precious heirlooms, nope. Aha, my lucky can!

(Jesse picks up a coca cola can with chains stuck to it)

(Lukas looks at his pictures and smiles at one of them, he picks it up and sheds a tear)

Jesse's voice: Lukas, come on, we have to go!

Lukas: Okay, I'll be right there!

(He looks at his other pictures one last time)

Lukas: Sorry, guys. You'll be in my heart. (He leaves)

Pictures of Lukas: Aaaawwww. (Unison)

Hawaiian Picture: Ha ha ha ha! Aww...

(Jesse looks at Steve putting his guitar inside his pocket meanwhile Lukas returns to them and both of them is looking at him)

Jesse: Alright, it's time for... OPERATION MEGA ESCAPE 4.

(Screen reads "Operation Mega Escape 4")

Future Jesse: GRR... Open! Access! Enter! ...Broccoli?

(The garage door opens, the trio comes out with go-karts and 3D glasses as corny polka music is playing, Future Jesse is getting confused at this)

(Later, they appear outside of a diner and walks inside it, walking past Radar)

Radar: Hey, Jesse! (He smiles and waves at Jesse)

(Inside, Ellegaard works as a waitress in there)

Ellegaard: (The three are sitting at a table) Alright, you guys, so it was the pasta for you, (Points at Jesse) the tacos for you, (Points at Steve) and for you? (Points at Lukas, asking him)

Lukas: Whatever you want, sweet chee-

(Ellegaard is giving Lukas an angry and scary look)

Lukas: Uh... I'll just have a meat and potato pie.

Ellegaard: Alright, would anyone want any drinks?

Jesse: Okay, We'll just have one?... two?... Yeah, better make it two gallons of coke, please.

(Ellegaard leaves)

Lukas: So, why are we all running away from this guy if he only wants to kill Jesse?

Jesse: Hey!

Steve: Well, without Jesse, it would just be me and you, and, well, that would suck.

(Lukas is giving Steve an angry expression)

Steve's voice: Has anyone else noticed this is like the most we've ever spoken?

Radar's voice: Hey, Jesse!

(Jesse gets shocked when he hears Radar's voice from outside, then Radar gets thrown through a glass door and bumps into the wall, and ending up on the floor)

Steve: Holy pug in a pizza box!!!

Future Jesse: What make you think your FUTURE self would not know where his PAST self would be hiding?!

Steve: What?

Jesse: Then how come it took you so long to find u-?

Future Jesse: Shut up. Now prepare to die!

Steve: Wait, how do we really know you're Jesse from the future?

Future Jesse: Well... Our lucky can, Jesse. I remember exactly how WE got it.

(Both Jesse and his future self is picking out their lucky cans from their pockets and a flashback is starting to be shown)

Past Jesse: LALALALALALA! Oh, a can! Shove! (He picks it up and then puts it back into his pocket as he keeps on walking) LALALALALALA!

(Back to present, Jesse is surprised over remembering it as well, suddenly remembering everything)

Jesse: He's RIGHT.

Future Jesse: Now that THAT'S out of the way, (puts on sunglasses) Time to die.

Jesse: B-but w-w-won't this create some kind of paradox or something?!

Future Jesse: Don't be stupid, that sort of thing only happens in the movies! The movies! Movies! (Glitches)

(Outside of the movie, Jim gets annoyed by the glitch and hits the computer on the right, causing it to get the blue screen of death, causing him to scream and run outside of the room, then the screen says "JUST KIDDING!")

(Future Jesse and Jesse are both shocked over this, then Ellegaard appears right next to Jesse with the gallons of coke, which gives Jesse an idea, so he grabs one of the cokes and shakes it as he then opens it and the coke squirts right forwards Future Jesse)

Future Jesse: SON OF A- (Gargles as the coca cola squirts at him to the wall) DELICIOUS!

(Jesse, Lukas, and Steve starts their go-karts and drives off as Future Jesse watches them after opening the door in annoyance)

Future Jesse: Hmm... this is going to be harder than I thought.

(He looks at the time-travel device on his sleeve which says "LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN")

Future Jesse: Looks like I'll need some reinforcements. (Presses the button on his time travel device and warps out of sight.)

(Past Lukas is walking up to a zombie, about to ask for directions)

Past Lukas: Excuse me, but do you know wh-

(The zombie bited off his arm)

Past Lukas: ARRGH!!!

(Past Jesse, Steve, and Herobrine are all shocked over seeing this)

Past Herobrine: Oh my god, he bit off his arm!

Past Jesse: RUN AWAY!

(The three of them runs away as Future Jesse appears on the scene)

Future Jesse: Whoops, looks like I undershot a bit.

Past Lukas: Ugh. Help me...

Future Jesse: Oh, I would Lukas, but I uh.. time lines and paradoxes and stuff...

(Future Jesse teleports away, meanwhile, future versions of Steve and Lukas appears in the present)

Future Steve: Huh! It's a good job No-Eyes Leader had a second time travel device.

Future Lukas: Now we just have to stop Jesse before he messes anything up in the future.

(Future Lukas loses his bionic right eye and chin as his face is changing)

Future Lukas: Oh, he's a dead man.

(They start to look for Future Jesse in the town)

Future Lukas: So where should we start looking?

Future Steve: I'm not sure, but I hope Jesse's past self has enough sense to hide somewhere.

(Meanwhile, Jesse, Steve, and Lukas looks at a Coca Cola commercial through a window at a TV store)

Jesse: Hahaha! I'm distracted.

Lukas: Who keeps buying this stuff?

Jesse: Yeeeee!

Steve: Yeah, we should probably get back to the cars now.

(As they are about to drive off again, they stop as Future Jesse teleports right in front of them)

Future Jesse: Time to finish this once and for all with my army of mes!

Future Jesse: Jessins. (A Jesse with a black hat and clothes, ruined, is seen) Sir. Jesse. (A knight Jesse is then seen) Jessious. (Then a Greekish Jesse) and Jess-gu. (And finally, a caveman Jesse) So, now there is no escape. Attack my brethre-

(Then the other Jesses starts to suddenly scream at various things, Jessins screams at an "eat at Joe's" sign, Sir. Jesse screams at a motorcycle billboard, Jessious at a tower, and finally, Jess-gu at a tire, and all four of them runs away in fear)

Future Jesse: (Facepalms) How can this plan get any worse?

Future Lukas: Stop right there!

Lukas: Oh my god, I'm old!

Steve: Hey, uh, why the eye thing?...

Future Steve: Remember that laser you took to the face?

Steve: Uh, yeah? Oh!...

Future Steve: Anyway, Jesse, we're here to stop you before you destroy the future for your selfish needs.

Future Jesse: No! I won't go back! I won't go back to that bleak soda-free future!

(Future Jesse then grabs Jesse, and he quickly takes Steve's guitar out of his pocket and hits Future Jesse with it)

Future Steve and Steve: (Unison) No, my Susan!

(Future Steve is annoyed and attempts to fire at Future Jesse, who is getting up, but he dodges as it is about to hit Jesse, who takes the picture of Lukas from his pocket)

Lukas: NOT THE FACE!

(The laser hits the picture's frame, and hits on a lamppost when it returns, causing it to crush on Future Lukas, Future Steve, and Steve)

Future Lukas, Future Steve, and Steve: (Unison) OUCH!!

(The device gets knocked out of Future Steve's hands as both Jesses are running and dashing towards it, Jesse picks it up but Future Jesse attacks Jesse as the device flies into Lukas' hands, who looks at the device in confusion)

Jesse: Lukas, Hurry! Save us! (Future Jesse attempts to fight Jesse, but he struggles to stop his future self)

(Lukas does as Jesse says and just teleports away)

(The screen cuts to Mount Rushmore, where the faces of the four presidents heads are replaced with that of Lukas')

(Then Lukas' face is appearing on the Sphinx, a statue, and every Easter Island Head gets Lukas' hair, then BBC 7 is happening)

News Reporter: Today, we have the pleasure of speaking to the well-known creator, author, founder, and king of pretty much everything in existence since the dawn of man known simply as Lukas. Tell us, Lukas. how did you come up with the idea of creating and ruling everything in existence?

Lukas: Well, it all started when I got my hands on a- I mean, uh, invented my own time machine. Anyway, I pretty much just went back in time and-

(Jesse and Steve are both watching Lukas discussing about it in their TV at home, annoyed)

Jesse: I hate-LOVE LUKAS!

(Jesse and Steve are both smiling and their TV gets replaced by a picture of Lukas as a king, winking and smiling at the same time)

(Episode ends)

Trivia

 * This is the first episode page in the wiki.
 * This entire episode is a parody of the Eddsworld episode WTFuture.
 * The music that is playing when Jesse, Lukas, and Steve are disguised as go-karters is "Dvorak Polka" by Kevin MacLeod.